Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Diabetes: A Comical Outlook

Being a diabetic of over ten years, I have find myself on many occasions explaining about diabetes and the different lifestyle that it entails. Many times, I find the questions people ask very comical. So, here are my top ten questions Not to ask a diabetic, along with various answers I have given in the past. Enjoy!

 1. (While giving myself a shot) Does that hurt? No, actually after a while you start to like it. (This answer is of course ridiculous because Yes, it does hurt).

2. Are you sure you can eat that? No, I'm really not sure that I can, but I am gonna try as hard as possible!

3. (from a commercial geared toward diabetics) "Do you have diabetes and love food?" No not really...in fact we are Completely different from every other human being on the face of the earth .

4. What did you do to get diabetes? Well let's see here...I was born with a pancreas that had a 12 year lifespan. 

5. Isn't that doughnut bad for you? Yeah, actually it is. In fact, it is probably bad for almost everyone; however, that doesn't change the fact that it will be delicious. 

6. Why don't you just "get over" diabetes like people with depression? This is when I laugh, my face turns red, and I remain speechless.

 7. How do you take all those shots everyday? Well, it's kind of like a math equation: shots=life and no shots=death...it's really not a hard decision to make.

 8. Is diabetes contagious? Yes terribly...don't get to close! 

9. Isn't diabetes for older people? Yes, you caught me. I'm really a 52 year old in a 25 year old body. 

10. What's the worst thing about being diabetic? I don't know, answering questions like this. What's the worst thing about being you?

Friday, April 13, 2012

He Called Me a Fairy!

At some point or another, most of us seem to find ourselves perusing the isles at Wal-Mart, whether it's to buy groceries for the family or electronics or some other thing you can think of which they mostly likely have somewhere. However, on occasion, I find myself strolling those isles for one purpose: to encounter someone which I would almost certainly never encounter anywhere else. Oddballs, crazies, thieves, nerds, hippies, and anyone in between. Well, in my case this evening, I was with my friend Matt and we were on the lookout to find someone that fit easily into one of these categories. We just finished rummaging through the $5 DVD bin and spotted them: two guys, one older with tattoos and a big jacket, and one younger, with a backwards baseball cap and enough lip rings to make a diabetic squeamish of needles. For some reason, we knew they would be great candidates. We casually followed behind them through various isles. Was it creepy on our part? Most likely...but we were on a mission! We eventually made our way past the night workers unpacking boxes and stocking the shelves, to the alcohol. Matt had to make a call to his wife, so I decided to continue down the isle where these guys were contemplating how "hammered" they wanted to become that night. The older guy stared at me as I approached, so to be polite, I said "How's it goin?" He quickly answered "Sup Fairy." Was I hearing this right? This dude just called me a fairy and I'm gonna let this happen without responding at all? Yes indeed. Not wanting to cause trouble, I waited for Matt to get off the phone and explained to him the situation. We both started laughing as we made our way down another isle. As we did this, the man continued to call us fairy's. He thought we were gay! It seems to be that two guys cannot hang out as bros at Wal-Mart anymore without being labeled. Well, we continued to laughed about it for a few minutes as the guy passed us and mumbled obscenities under his breath. We both started to get a little heated and considered our options of meeting these silly drunks outside in the parking lot for a some face beatings. Nobody calls us fairies! We are grown men with wives! We go to bed a 10 pm on the weekends! We were determined not to let this get the best of us. So, we did what any admirable person would do: we spied on them. Who were we kidding, we weren't gonna fight anyone. My pancreas is in no shape to pummel someone, although it doesn't work so I think the benefit far outweighs the cost ;) I can't say that some flashbacks of glorious UFC fights didn't play through my head as I thought about if the situation had come to that, but those glory days may just have to take me away in my dreams. Not only did we learn that we severely disliked being called fairy's, but we also gained a better understanding of others who are gay and sometimes encounter situations like that on a daily basis and how difficult that must be; it's unfortunate. Bottom line is,judging people just gives good stories for husbands to come home and share with their wives and twist to make themselves appear more awesome than they already are!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Name Says it All

I have been bouncing around this somewhat humorous topic for awhile now, and it has finally reached the point where I feel that something must be said, or rather, I'm finally ready to share my opinion. Winter is a cold time of year. There is nothing worse than wearing clothes that do not fit the occasion (people say i shouldn't wear shorts when there is snow, I say I need to keep up my tan through the winter). One example is footwear. During the winter most people are thinking about boots, or at least something waterproof to keep their feet warm and dry. This is all fine and dandy; however, UGG boots are not the way to go. I thought it was just a phase last year, like yo-yo's, pogs, Mcgyver dvd's (gosh I sound so old) but no, they just keep coming back year after year. There are brown, black, grey, black and grey, purple, yellow, tan...the list goes on and on. I'm not just talking about women here, I have seen my fair share of men in UGG boots, so I'm really not trying to single anyone out on this. Yeah yeah, I know that they are comfortable, but they are just silly, in fact, UGGly. But is this the excuse? They are comfortable? My pajamas are extremely comfortable, but they outlawed wearing those in public like...hmmm, let me think...FOREVER ago. One experience I had happened the other day as I was strolling through campus. I had my Ipod in and I was jammin' out to some tunes. Not much gets my attention when I'm "in the zone" but as I walked, I kept hearing this loud slapping sound. I yanked my headphones out of my ears to see what sort of amazing event had managed to catch my attention: it was of course the girl walking next to me in her UGG boots, slapping the cement like it had committed a crime. So naturally, I started counting everyone that had them on. One, two, three, four....fifty, seventy...it went on and on. From this event, I came to two conclusions: 1) UGG boots make everyone's ankles look like they are not connected to their legs, and 2) the sound they make when people walk (and obviously don't pick up their feet) silence even the construction workers. There it is, I said it. Love it or hate it, everyone can agree that UGG boots are as terrible as their name. Also, I may or may not be wearing my wife's black pair of UGG boots right at this very moment so as to really put myself in the position of understanding this trend. Man, they are comfy!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Coon Catastrophe!

I did it. I never thought I would join the club. Here's how it went down (sorry that's new age lingo: here are the details to this story). I was on my way to school just texting and driving (yeah yeah it's against the law, but don't act like you haven't done it) and so I'm kind of paying attention to the road and kind of trying to make sure I don't get pulled over for the Second time this week, and then, out of nowhere, I see a dead raccoon laying dead in the road with all four of his legs up in the air. I had about half a second to react to this so I did what any person would have done in my situation: I didn't react quick enough and boom! I ran over the already-dead raccoon. (Now, I love animals don't get the wrong impression, I'm just giving you all the details). Never in a million years did I think that I would have join the club that hits the dead roadkill on the side of the road (in my case, right on the side of my lane), but I did. Good luck trying to pay attention in class when your the Second person to murder a poor helpless raccoon! I did feel bad I must say. I replayed the situation over and over in my head. What could I have done differently? Some would argue I could have reacted quicker, but then I would probably just blame it on the diabetes because I like to do that for the sake of arguing and it gets a rise out of people. Needless to say, the rest of my day was just bland. A raccoon was Definitely dead because of me, and it's weighing on my soul pretty heavily. There, I did it; I shared my story. I got the dirt out,aired my dirty laundry. Now, I hope that situation never arises, but next time I am driving down the road texting, I will pay specific attention to the "obstacles" that can turn that frown upside-down. (wait...take your grin and make it dim, that's more accurate)

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Oh the toys we have for children!

So, today I was headed out of town with my wife.  That is usually one of my favorite things to do because it means on our way out of town we get to eat out at whatever restaurant pleases our fancy.  We decided to go to Burger King.  I love eating out period, so Burger King was just the way to start out our adventure.  After we ordered our food, I decided to take a look around.  Ever since I was a kid, I have always liked vending machines and even the little 25 cent machines that have stickers, tattoos, and little toys.  I hate carrying change in my pocket, so these machines are kind enough to relieve me of this stress.  Anyway, as I glanced over the machines, one of them really caught my eye.  Yes, it was the machine that had both skull rings and String Dolls.  Now, when you think of a string doll, what comes to mind?  To me, I think "Oh, possibly a cute little doll that someone far, far away made that just might make kids smile for a day or two."  But, these string dolls were a lot different than I imagined.  In fact, they looked like little voodoo dolls.  Really?  Voodoo dolls in the little vending machines at Burger King?  I'm surprised there wasn't a little warning at the bottom that said "Must be seriously disturbed and understand fully the repercussions of this toy."  It gave me quite a laugh needless to say.  Maybe their target audience wasn't little kids or maybe it was.  Regardless, it was an interesting encounter and it may or may not have raised my blood sugar a little bit out of sheer wonderment.  So, if you would like a voodoo doll or "string doll", they are only 75 cents (I know, a bit pricey) at a Burger King near you! 

Friday, November 4, 2011

The Big Halloween Dilemma

We go through the same dilemma every year when Halloween comes around: what are we going to "be?"  Well, every year never ceases to show new types of creativity.  Some prefer to be creepy (involving scary and creepy dirt bags) and others tend to be more practical.  Despite all of the different costumes, 2 things are clear every Halloween: mustaches are growing in popularity and more and more women are dressing as Indians so they can wear the least amount of clothes possible.  I'm not hear to judge, because I appreciate a good costume.  However, what do you think was going through the mind of the kid I saw the other day dressed as Hitler?  "Hmm...well, my friends have mustaches....Who is a person that really personifies the mustache?  I can't be Tom Selleck because I can't grow a mustache thick enough, I don't want to be a white trash guy with a mullet because everyone does that.  How about Hitler?  Yes, it's settled.  I will shave a mini mustache, slap a big Swastika on a coat, and walk around campus making people even more uncomfortable than the other half-naked people running around."  Now, maybe I'm crazy in thinking this, and maybe I should give the kid the benefit of the doubt and say he probably had a good argument as to why he dressed as Hitler, but you gotta wonder a little what's going on upstairs.  So, I guess the moral of this story would be as follows: when Halloween comes around and you start contemplating your costume and the thought enters your mind to dress as Hitler, don't.  

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Here We Go!

Hello everyone, my name is CAM.  Let me start by telling you a little bit about myself and my whole goal with this blog.  About this time last year, I began trying to figure out what to do with my life.  It really seemed that I had everything going against me.  I do have diabetes (the good type-there really isn't a good type but I like mine better than the other).  What guy in his mid-20's has diabetes?  Doesn't every commercial on TV have some old person saying "Do you have diabetes and love food? Well then you need this product blah blah blah if you have medicaid."  Well, who doesn't love food for craps sake?!  Sorry that was a little rant.  Anyway, not too long ago I got sleep apnea.  It's not so bad if your goal is to become like Darth Vader and your okay with everyone thinking that your really a 50 yr old man inside a 25 yr old body.  So, with these two wondrous challenges, I began to think "How am I supposed to get a girlfriend?  I have no money (college student), diabetes, and sleep apnea, how can I find someone to look past that all?"  Well, despite the odds, I found a wonderful, beautiful, talented woman who has been able to look past those things that I thought were complete "deal-breakers."  I gave her every opportunity to ditch me, but I guess in the end, she just couldn't resist this.  And obviously, I couldn't stand being without her.  We have been married five short months now and have enjoyed every minute of it.  So, there is part of my inspiration.  However, my goal is this: I think that there needs to be more laughter, more situations which we can look at and find humor.  An example of this would be as follows, which happened to me yesterday in which my pride is still being mended:  "It's not everyday that you are running because you are late to class, trip and hit the cement at an alarming rate in front of a dozen other college students who deep down are laughing hysterically but decide to do the even more humiliating thing and say 'Oh my goodness, are you okay?'  Ha, of course I'm not going to admit it and say that it hurt like a mother."  Okay, you get my drift?  In reality these things happen and can be viewed as a speed-bump OR a ramp in your day-to-day activities.  I find humorous things all over the place.  Sometimes they are ridiculous, sometimes they are inappropriate, sometimes they are appalling, and sometimes they just plain don't make sense, but for some reason bring a smile to our face.  It's okay to find humor in your day.  Granted, you may not want to laugh at the kid that just ate it as he ran across the road because that would be heartless, but you know sometimes, deep down, it is begging to be shared with everyone so you can laugh hysterically.