Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Diabetes: A Comical Outlook

Being a diabetic of over ten years, I have find myself on many occasions explaining about diabetes and the different lifestyle that it entails. Many times, I find the questions people ask very comical. So, here are my top ten questions Not to ask a diabetic, along with various answers I have given in the past. Enjoy!

 1. (While giving myself a shot) Does that hurt? No, actually after a while you start to like it. (This answer is of course ridiculous because Yes, it does hurt).

2. Are you sure you can eat that? No, I'm really not sure that I can, but I am gonna try as hard as possible!

3. (from a commercial geared toward diabetics) "Do you have diabetes and love food?" No not really...in fact we are Completely different from every other human being on the face of the earth .

4. What did you do to get diabetes? Well let's see here...I was born with a pancreas that had a 12 year lifespan. 

5. Isn't that doughnut bad for you? Yeah, actually it is. In fact, it is probably bad for almost everyone; however, that doesn't change the fact that it will be delicious. 

6. Why don't you just "get over" diabetes like people with depression? This is when I laugh, my face turns red, and I remain speechless.

 7. How do you take all those shots everyday? Well, it's kind of like a math equation: shots=life and no shots=death...it's really not a hard decision to make.

 8. Is diabetes contagious? Yes terribly...don't get to close! 

9. Isn't diabetes for older people? Yes, you caught me. I'm really a 52 year old in a 25 year old body. 

10. What's the worst thing about being diabetic? I don't know, answering questions like this. What's the worst thing about being you?

Friday, April 13, 2012

He Called Me a Fairy!

At some point or another, most of us seem to find ourselves perusing the isles at Wal-Mart, whether it's to buy groceries for the family or electronics or some other thing you can think of which they mostly likely have somewhere. However, on occasion, I find myself strolling those isles for one purpose: to encounter someone which I would almost certainly never encounter anywhere else. Oddballs, crazies, thieves, nerds, hippies, and anyone in between. Well, in my case this evening, I was with my friend Matt and we were on the lookout to find someone that fit easily into one of these categories. We just finished rummaging through the $5 DVD bin and spotted them: two guys, one older with tattoos and a big jacket, and one younger, with a backwards baseball cap and enough lip rings to make a diabetic squeamish of needles. For some reason, we knew they would be great candidates. We casually followed behind them through various isles. Was it creepy on our part? Most likely...but we were on a mission! We eventually made our way past the night workers unpacking boxes and stocking the shelves, to the alcohol. Matt had to make a call to his wife, so I decided to continue down the isle where these guys were contemplating how "hammered" they wanted to become that night. The older guy stared at me as I approached, so to be polite, I said "How's it goin?" He quickly answered "Sup Fairy." Was I hearing this right? This dude just called me a fairy and I'm gonna let this happen without responding at all? Yes indeed. Not wanting to cause trouble, I waited for Matt to get off the phone and explained to him the situation. We both started laughing as we made our way down another isle. As we did this, the man continued to call us fairy's. He thought we were gay! It seems to be that two guys cannot hang out as bros at Wal-Mart anymore without being labeled. Well, we continued to laughed about it for a few minutes as the guy passed us and mumbled obscenities under his breath. We both started to get a little heated and considered our options of meeting these silly drunks outside in the parking lot for a some face beatings. Nobody calls us fairies! We are grown men with wives! We go to bed a 10 pm on the weekends! We were determined not to let this get the best of us. So, we did what any admirable person would do: we spied on them. Who were we kidding, we weren't gonna fight anyone. My pancreas is in no shape to pummel someone, although it doesn't work so I think the benefit far outweighs the cost ;) I can't say that some flashbacks of glorious UFC fights didn't play through my head as I thought about if the situation had come to that, but those glory days may just have to take me away in my dreams. Not only did we learn that we severely disliked being called fairy's, but we also gained a better understanding of others who are gay and sometimes encounter situations like that on a daily basis and how difficult that must be; it's unfortunate. Bottom line is,judging people just gives good stories for husbands to come home and share with their wives and twist to make themselves appear more awesome than they already are!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Name Says it All

I have been bouncing around this somewhat humorous topic for awhile now, and it has finally reached the point where I feel that something must be said, or rather, I'm finally ready to share my opinion. Winter is a cold time of year. There is nothing worse than wearing clothes that do not fit the occasion (people say i shouldn't wear shorts when there is snow, I say I need to keep up my tan through the winter). One example is footwear. During the winter most people are thinking about boots, or at least something waterproof to keep their feet warm and dry. This is all fine and dandy; however, UGG boots are not the way to go. I thought it was just a phase last year, like yo-yo's, pogs, Mcgyver dvd's (gosh I sound so old) but no, they just keep coming back year after year. There are brown, black, grey, black and grey, purple, yellow, tan...the list goes on and on. I'm not just talking about women here, I have seen my fair share of men in UGG boots, so I'm really not trying to single anyone out on this. Yeah yeah, I know that they are comfortable, but they are just silly, in fact, UGGly. But is this the excuse? They are comfortable? My pajamas are extremely comfortable, but they outlawed wearing those in public like...hmmm, let me think...FOREVER ago. One experience I had happened the other day as I was strolling through campus. I had my Ipod in and I was jammin' out to some tunes. Not much gets my attention when I'm "in the zone" but as I walked, I kept hearing this loud slapping sound. I yanked my headphones out of my ears to see what sort of amazing event had managed to catch my attention: it was of course the girl walking next to me in her UGG boots, slapping the cement like it had committed a crime. So naturally, I started counting everyone that had them on. One, two, three, four....fifty, seventy...it went on and on. From this event, I came to two conclusions: 1) UGG boots make everyone's ankles look like they are not connected to their legs, and 2) the sound they make when people walk (and obviously don't pick up their feet) silence even the construction workers. There it is, I said it. Love it or hate it, everyone can agree that UGG boots are as terrible as their name. Also, I may or may not be wearing my wife's black pair of UGG boots right at this very moment so as to really put myself in the position of understanding this trend. Man, they are comfy!